I’ve decided that I want my second tattoo to be a sea turtle. I already have a crab with the cancer sign on my right shoulder and I thought it would be great to balance it out with another shelled sea creature on my left shoulder. I’ve always had an affinity with turtles and it seems to fit with my personality (hard shell on the outside, soft/sensitive inside.)

I designed it to be tribal-like with a heart in the middle. I’m pretty happy with the way it looks, but I need to clean up the design in the event that the tattoo artist is going to print it out and make a stencil out of it. It’s going to be similar in size to the one on my right upper arm so that the fins will wrap around my shoulder a bit, just like the crab claws do.

Tomorrow, I’m starting a 30-day sobriety experiment. Lately, I’ve noticed that I go out a lot and I’ve been drinking a lot. I figure I really need to take a break and take some time off. I would never want to go completely sober and quit drinking indefinitely. I just figure that I really need to get away from that lifestyle and take a few steps back and evaluate my life. I’m going to use these 30 days and really focus on working out and losing weight and get back into the routine I established before the whirl-wind of the holidays hit me.

Last summer, I started taking boxing lessons. I really wanted to learn how to get in shape and I thought the best way was to pick up a skill or to learn a martial art. I wanted to learn something and at the same time feel motivated to work out and get into shape. After a few lessons, I really liked my trainer and what I was learning. I liked what he was doing at the gym and I liked everyone I was meeting there. His gym is actually a barbershop/boxing gym and he cuts hair, which to me is a pretty awesome idea. (Check Michael the Boxer out at his website.)

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I’ve always thought skydiving was going to perpetually be on my list of “Things I Want To Do Before I Die.” But Love was set on going for her birthday last year, but then it rained. So this year, there was no question. The day was beautiful. We made our reservations. And we went.

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this morning i went to the gym again. i wasn’t planning on it, but i felt like i really want a tuesday/thursday/saturday gym schedule. so i decided that iw as going to go again today and again on saturday to get me started on that schedule. i also asked the front desk about a personal trainer.

i’ve gained so much weight since… well since i’ve gained this weight. i can’t remember how much i’ve weighed in the last few years. i don’t own a scale (i need one), so i don’t normally moniter my weight. i just know that i’ve gained because i can’t fit into certain clothes anymore, or i can, but it just looks and feels uncomfortable. so buying new clothes right now is tough because i don’t want to buy anything too large and i don’t want to get rid of anything too small right now. i really want to fit in those clothes again! some of my favorite shirts are too small for me now! and if i do, no - when i lose the weight that i want to lose, i don’t want to go back to wearing baggy clothes like i did in high school.

so i need to be serious about this. i need to start taking care of my body. if i’m not happy with the way i look, how can i expect anyone else to be?

lately, i’ve been listening to a lot of dance music again. i love all types of music and it’s hard to focus on any one type of genre. if i’m into an artist at the moment, i listen to all those songs and songs similar. so if i tend to like someone really mellow and depressing, i’ll submerse myself into that type of music and i find that it affects my mood. i tend to become mellow and sulky and nostalgic.

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for those of you who are catholic out there, or at least raised catholic like me, you would know that today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. the story goes that Jesus walked in the desert for forty days and forty nights, etc. during this time, catholics everywhere would give up something to sacrifice for Jesus ending with celebrations on Easter Sunday.

i don’t consider myself catholic. my family is, and i was when i was younger, until i realized a lot about my spiritual path. but this entry isn’t about that.

one of the traditions i do/try to follow every year is sacrificing something for Lent.

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he was the first real relationship i ever had. he was my first love. i guess you can say i never got over him. over what happened. and to this day i’m still dealing with issues from the aftermath. mostly because i’m still not really sure what happened, how it happened, and why it happened the way it did.

for 3 to 5 years, he disappeared. i say three to five, because during those first two years, we had some sort of random contact. via email or phone. when i moved to SF, i had to change my number, and there was no way to contact him to give him my new one. the number he gave me no longer worked. i had lost contact with him.

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i can never say this enough. i always feel so much better after a new haircut.

yes. that’s one hell of a cheesey grin.

so, i’ve decided to try and quit smoking again. i’m on the patch.

i know the instructions say that it’s best to wait until the morning to throw it on, but i couldn’t wait. so i went out and bought a box, took a patch out, and slapped it on my arm.

here’s hoping it works this time around.

i finally went to a yoga class last night and it totally kicked my ass. i had no idea what i was doing half the time and i could barely keep up with what i could do.

i know most of it has to do with my being out of shape and it will only get easier the more i do this. but a lot of it has to do with not knowing the moves and being unable to mimic everyone else in the class.

so i ended up leaving half-way through the class. it was just way too advanced for me. but instead of feeling like a complete loser, i decided not to stop trying.

i just signed up for a beginner’s workshop on sunday and i plan to go back to the same class on tuesday with a little more knowledge and confidence. (unless i learn from the workshop that another class is a better fit for me. but we’ll deal with that when the time comes.)

but for now i’d like to stick with vinyasa yoga. my friend suggested it and i went out and tried it and liked it. but, of course, i was sweating buckets and my knees and arms were shaking for more than half the time. but that only means it’s a good workout.

i know if i keep this up, it’ll be good for me. physically, emotionally, and spiritually.