bootie
this morning i went to the gym again. i wasn’t planning on it, but i felt like i really want a tuesday/thursday/saturday gym schedule. so i decided that iw as going to go again today and again on saturday to get me started on that schedule. i also asked the front desk about a personal trainer.
i’ve gained so much weight since… well since i’ve gained this weight. i can’t remember how much i’ve weighed in the last few years. i don’t own a scale (i need one), so i don’t normally moniter my weight. i just know that i’ve gained because i can’t fit into certain clothes anymore, or i can, but it just looks and feels uncomfortable. so buying new clothes right now is tough because i don’t want to buy anything too large and i don’t want to get rid of anything too small right now. i really want to fit in those clothes again! some of my favorite shirts are too small for me now! and if i do, no - when i lose the weight that i want to lose, i don’t want to go back to wearing baggy clothes like i did in high school.
so i need to be serious about this. i need to start taking care of my body. if i’m not happy with the way i look, how can i expect anyone else to be?
lately, i’ve been listening to a lot of dance music again. i love all types of music and it’s hard to focus on any one type of genre. if i’m into an artist at the moment, i listen to all those songs and songs similar. so if i tend to like someone really mellow and depressing, i’ll submerse myself into that type of music and i find that it affects my mood. i tend to become mellow and sulky and nostalgic.
i’m trying to get back into dance and electronica. i need to get out there every weekend and start dancing again. that’s basically how i lost the weight the first time around. (among other things, but we’ll save that conversation for another time.) but what it came down to was that i was out every weekend. sometimes two or three nights a week. listening to music and dancing all night long. i did drink alcohol, but it didn’t really matter because i was dancing it all off.
at what point did my life become drinking exclusively at bars? what happened to the music? is it because i live here in San Francisco now? is it because most of the local bars/clubs are full of people i can’t really stand most of the time?
my only options in the castro would be to dance at either the cafe or badlands. the music there is horrendous and the people are not far off. okay that’s not exactly true, but most of the time, i can’t really stand the music and the mixes are just so wrong. i like pop as much as the next gay, but if i want to get my groove on, i need some good dance music. some really good deep funky soulful house music for starters.
i used to hear really good house music on a regular basis. that was because i was with steve and he was just as passionate about getting out there as i was. he also did the research and knew where to go. he also knew who the good DJs were. i am still learning who’s who in the electronic music world, so i just go where someone tells me to go. i’m very capable of doing this all myself, mind you, but my problem is this: do i really want to go there? the last thing i want is to run into him and his boyfriend. after a year and a half of being apart, i’m still hurt and i still have these feelings. i hope they fade soon. the last time i felt this way towards someone, it dragged on forever. i still have pangs from that experience.
i guess those kinds of feelings never really go away. you just learn to deal with it. i guess i’m still learning.
but fuck it. i’ve decided already that i’m going to make the effort to get myself out there and listen to some good quality music. get my dance on. meet some cool people. i was really on to something. i was in a community that i enjoyed. i was around gay AND straight people. not one or the other. it was a good mix of people passionate about something and we were able to connect on a different level. it’s almost like you can trust why those people were where they were. it’s not just some bar where the only focus is getting laid.
now, don’t get me wrong here. i enjoy hanging out with my friends. sometimes after a long day at work, all you want to do is just go the (albeit yuppy and pretentious) bar around the corner to grab a drink or two and vent and shoot the shit with your friends. but most of the time it gets frustrating. i just really want to find that niche… to feel like i’m part of a community with similar tastes and interests. part of a group of people who are open and honest and loving. and i was. so i know it’s out there. there’s no excuse for people to be the way they are in these crappy places that i’ve been to recently.
back to the music! my latest obsession is downloading mashups! BootieSF is so much fun. i’ve been twice now, and i really love that place. talk about a good mix of people, all passionate about the music, all or most dancing and just having a great time. both times i’ve closed that place out! i really like it there and i want to start going back somewhat regularly. i’m glad that it’s twice a month now, but kind of concerned if it’s going to lose some of it’s energy, as clubs usually do when they become more frequent.
i’ve downloaded some good songs off the bootie blog and there’s a mashup blog that i’ve subscribed to that i still need to find the time to browse and download. (hooray for free music!)
okay, that’s enough for today. i need to get back and do some actual work.
